The Thorny Light of Awakening
by Lindoreda
Summary: Even if I'm drowning in darkness, I'll still protect your light.


AN: After months of posting nothing, I've returned with a series of oneshots. ^^ I've got a few series' in the works, but they need heavy editing before I'll stop hating them. This oneshot is based on a dream that I had, and some scenes from Chain of Memories, to create my idea of Riku's transformation. 358/2 Days probably actually explains it, but I needed to write something.

--

_Are my eyes open? I can't tell. It's so dark…_

"Where am I?" I rasped, my dry throat rebelling against speech. "Why can't I see anything?"

"There is no light. Without the light, you cannot see," a deep voice answered, coming from every direction.

"Why isn't there any light?" I demanded, my voice cracking more with each word. "I want light."

"It would be better for you to remain in darkness. The light will only hurt your eyes," the voice chided, and I felt like I'd had this conversation before.

"But, the sooner I see the light, the sooner I'll be able to see again," I replied confidently.

"Very well."

A door that I couldn't see creaked open, and I was blind again. The light coming from the room beyond was dim, but to my unprepared eyes, it was like someone was pointing flashlights straight into them.

"I told you it would hurt," the voice scolded humorlessly.

"And I told you that it was better sooner than later," I muttered, squinting futilely.

"You're blind."

"I was blind in the darkness too. The difference is, I'll be able to see at some point, as long as there's light."

The voice sighed, and my vision cleared enough for me to recognize an amber eye surrounded by red bandages. DiZ. So that conversation _had_ happened before.

"Another test?" I asked curiously, attempting to coerce my unusually weak limbs into standing.

"Not one of my creation," DiZ muttered.

"Then whose?"

"You don't remember?" I shook my head. "You don't remember. Very well. Your latest experiment with the power of darkness had… unintended consequences."

Cold sweat beaded on my forehead.

"What kind of consequences?"

"They're not important," DiZ insisted brusquely. "You pulled yourself out of it and fainted."

"Then why was I in a pitch black…" I glanced at the space that I had crawled out of. "Closet?"

"Naminé feared that, as you were, if you awoke in the light, you might attack blindly. To mitigate that risk, we placed you in complete darkness," DiZ explained tonelessly.

"If you hadn't completely recovered, the darkness would have calmed you down," Naminé offered gently, appearing in the doorway.

"Because I would have been a creature of darkness," I muttered, my face heating up with embarrassment. My memories were returning in a steady stream, and I was not proud of them.

"You managed to suppress it," she assured me. "But the easiest way might be to surround yourself in darkness. Try it next time."

"Huh," I muttered noncommittally, trying once again to stand up, and failing.

"Need some help, Riku?" Naminé offered with a small smile.

"Sure," I replied, dubious of her strength. I was soon on my feet.

"You may feel in need of more light after that," DiZ began. "But don't go outside. If someone from the Organization sees you, we'll have to move."

DiZ left, shuffling out of the room. Naminé followed, her attention already focused on her sketchpad.

"I… almost lost to the darkness again," I murmured angrily. "I almost let Ansem consume me again!" I shouted, slamming my fist into the wall. The room suddenly felt too dark, too lifeless. My coat was much too hot. Why was I wearing gloves in this weather?

Discarding the black clothing as I went, I soon found myself in the basement of the mansion, in front of Sora's pod. I pressed my hand against the smooth white surface, gazing at the murky contents of the giant flower bud. You may feel in need of more light, DiZ had said. I chuckled bitterly. There was so much light in front of me, but the pod wouldn't open.

"It won't open," Naminé stated from somewhere behind me. "Not while his memories are so confused."

"Then when?" I demanded harshly.

"I… I don't know," Naminé admitted. "It hasn't been going as smoothly as I thought it would."

I heard her footsteps recede as she left me alone with the pod.

"Sora… It may be that soon, I'll only see the light when I'm immersed in darkness," I confessed to the sleeping figure. "So the sooner you wake up, the sooner I can stop killing myself," I joked halfheartedly. Sora, of course, didn't respond, but I could hear his breathing faintly.

"To control the darkness sleeping in my heart, I think I'll try surrounding myself with darkness. Maybe a blindfold'll work."

--

"If you must get out of the mansion," DiZ conceded. "Do not go into town. Do as you will in other worlds, but we must protect the location of our base."

The woods were deep and dark: ideal for the experiment that I wanted to conduct. So, I took my little victory and erected a barrier around the woods. Once I was certain that no one could interrupt me, I stripped off my coat, boots, and gloves, retrieving a strip of cloth from the coat pocket. Then I let the darkness flow freely within me. I knew what would come next: it was the last thing I remembered from my last experiment. My body began to expand and reform. A wave of nausea washed over me as I examined my hands and arms.

"Those aren't my arms," I gagged, with a voice that wasn't mine. My knees thudded to the ground, and long white hair fell in front of my eyes. "Not my hair," I whimpered, dry heaving with disgust.

_Riku…_ A familiar voice echoed in my head.

"No! I'm not going to lose to you again," I muttered, groping for the blindfold.

_Open your hea-_

I clamped the blindfold over my eyes, tying it deftly over my eyes. I felt the change instantly, my body returning to its' normal size and shape. Only one problem remained: I couldn't see. Well, one problem at a time. On my hands and knees, I felt around for my discarded clothing, and then returned to the mansion by following the path with my hands.

--

"Sora," I murmured, standing once again in front of his pod, my hands pressed against it. "You can't see me, and I can't see you. Who knows what I'll have done by the time you can see me again. But…" I hesitated. "Even if I'm drowning in darkness, I'll still protect your light, no matter what it costs me."

Even if I turn into Ansem. Or a Heartless. Or worse.

Sora slept on.

--

AN: Thanks for reading! As always, review, and be thanked for the effort. ^^


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